Whenever someone is offending you, look past their offense into their fear

November 18, 2015


I once told someone that to be offended was a choice. They chose to be offended!

Typically, when someone betrays, offends, or interrupts our space, our agenda or our life in some way, our first instinct is to judge them using our own unique brand of judgment or whatever style suits us in the moment. We conjure up all sorts of mental inventions, from the unoriginal like, “They’re an “expletive,” to some other more elaborate psychological evaluations and labels that usually have no context, proof, or sensibility – you know – the emotionally-driven reactionary stuff that constantly gets us into trouble. But what if you had the self-control to refrain from instinctive thoughts of indifference, and could connect to the idea that the root of someone’s offense is never anything directly against you, it’s simply a manifestation of their FEAR. FACT: If someone’s offending you, fear is the driver of the offense. They are either afraid of something that will happen; losing something that they have, or getting something they don’t want. If you can discover the fear that’s provoking the offender, you won’t be so wrapped up in being offended, and might even find yourself in a place of empathy, compassion and strength. You’ll be able to think clearly on how to help them out of their fear, or even how you may have caused the fear or both, which is the beginning of reconciliation in the relationship and a means for you to make difference when offenses come up.

Look at people’s issues discerningly today, not emotionally.

What is usually my first reaction when being offended?
What would life be like if I were rarely, if ever, offended?